Friday, August 22, 2008

Hey kids! It's time for everyone's favorite recurring feature...

How big are Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson's brains! When last we saw our intrepid football men, they were basking in the preseason glory that was Aaron Rodgers. My, how much changes in a week. Since last week's post, Bret Favre looked brilliant in green and white and Rodgers made the 49ers defense look like the Steel Curtain. Needless to say, McCarthy and Thompson have felt some moderate media heat. Their brains are smaller this week, but not too bad; it is just the preseason of course. We'll give them an IQ of 90. They are below average, but still ahead of say...James Harris of the Jags who traded the farm for the 8th pick and now won't pay the kid.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope we beat Argentina by 70 points.

JC

Deshawn Zombie said...

Well you are in luck.

andyfest said...

As a Packer fan, I find this hilarious! I wish I'd thought of this...

Anonymous said...

What if he wins a SB in 2 years?

Deshawn Zombie said...

Then their brains will be huge. We'll adjust them both up and down depending on how it goes each week.

JC said...

OK.

On Friday, August 22nd, I'm going to preempt all the stupid shit DZ and Demond will say all year.

You guys should put this in the list of your favorite stuff on the right hand side of the site. You know....the section that sucks worse than whatever else you have up.

Ok ready? I know you frown on profanity with this site being all pius, but I frown on all the uninformed petty shots you're gonna take all year.

THE PATRIOTS ARE FUCKED!

Sure they'll outscore (and outcoach) most of the teams on their historically weak schedule....but their defensive personell won't win two playoff games.

Can any of the nine other people who read this blog name the next best free agent corner on the market this past year after Asante Samuel? Without looking it up?

Me either. That's because it was probably Fernando Bryant who we signed, who blows.

When Ellis (Sorry Heather) is your #1 corner, you ain't gonna beat San Diego on the road, nevermind Indy.

The front office was about three years too late drafting Nickel and Dime (no pun intended) guys to develop into Championship Defense caliber cover guys.

The kid Wheatley from Colorado is hella fast and has skills but he's still a rookie corner that inevitably will have to cover Reggie Wayne.

My point is this.

When, around week 6, DZ starts saying things like:

A. The Pats are clearly having a superbowl loss hangover

B. Belichick playing them full speed during blowouts last year has clearly worn them out

C. Whatever other stupid blog-type assessments that DZ makes

They're all bullshit.

They have a talent group that rates in the bottom fourth of the NFL in the secondary and an aging Linebacker group, especially in the middle.

We'll win 12 games on schedule and Brady/Moss, but without my homie Sant (who's tattoo reads 'Get Rich To This') I'm probably going to get arrested again sometime in January.

Deshawn Zombie said...

JC, congrats.

you've left me speechless.

That was an excellent breakdown of the Pats. Or was it just a breakdown?

Big Dave said...

A, B, and C are reasons why the Pats broke down LAST year. Nobody believes Brady is still tired. Bruschi and Seau? Yes, but they are in their nineties. You should seriously start a blog of your own, dedicate it to bashing 18to88, and see how many readers you get. I mean, you write so much over here anyway, you might as well make it official. And the fact that you are writing the season off because your defense sucks... is funny. Brady's 3 rings have been held over Manning's head, and yet you, a Pats FAN, don't think Brady can win without a good defense. I guess Peyton is off the hook for '99 through '05? Or maybe it's simply an excuse you've decided to cling too before the season even starts so you can bring it up later. Either way, I look forward to reading more in your blog.

HeatherRadish said...

It's OK JC, I disowned Ellis last year for some egregious display of poor sportsmanship...

Rodgers looks pretty good tonight, but if his receivers keep watching the ball bounce out of their hands and their defense continues to atrophy, he may be moot. *ponder*

Bob M. said...

jc,

Can you hear the rest of the world crying for us? It's funny, but probably only another Pats fan or a Colts fan (a cowboy fan from the 70s, even though they are all pricks, or a niner fan from the 80s?) can comisserate with a team that will win 12+, probably a playoff game, and say "we suck!" if they don't win it all.

Let's take our joint attitudes to Houston and watch them laugh at our misery. Our expectations are so high that mere excellence is not enough. Someday both teams and their fans (and their expectations) will come back to earth. For now you should be happy to have such high standards--you only have them because your team has a better chance than most to win it all. Same here. boo-hoo.

As for the Pats, sounds like you're frustrated. Don't write them off yet. Injuries can be a big equalizer for better and worse--Losing Freeney and a chunk of our OL tanked us last year, looks like Merriman may miss a lot of the season. Brady may too, for that matter... (what's up with his foot/ankle? anything? Hard to tell). I don't THINK Manning will, but I'm no doctor--and what the hell do they know anyway?

It's the preseason--relax--everybody's all set for 16-0. As the Steelers proved in 05, all you have to do is get to the postseason, and you know the Pats will be there. After that, anything can happen. Ask the Steelers of 05 or the Giants of 07.

And do us a favor, please keep out of jail. I actually worry about you when I don't see posts for a handful of days. I probably won't be as cordial in-season, but then again right now, I'm in a good mood because my team's going 19-0. How about yours?

Bob M. said...

Oh, and the brain thing is hilarious! I hope it gets wide Internet exposure. Much simpler and quicker than the Star Wars Preview, but just as good.

jc said...

The Pats having a SB loss hangover is one of the reasons the Pats broke down last year?

Pretty sure that was A. hero.

And which point did they break down? Was it 3rd and long leading in the Superbowl with an 18-0 record when a guy caught a ball on his head?

And you make the tenth reader. My apologies to the brothas.

JC said...

And Bob.

Brady turned 31 the other day.

The window for having expectations like that shrinks every year. Moss ain't gettin younger either.

The fact that they didn't address what we ALL KNEW WAS COMING just infuriates me.

You wanna win the Superbowl? You need to get goofball Peyton Manning off the mother effing field on third down.

What we have now won't get that done. It is what it is.

Bob M. said...

JC,
If Brady or Manning played Vick's game and had no D support or solid OL help, I'd agree with the age thing, but they each have 6 years left in their respective tanks, if their surrounding teams remain good. Plus their coaching remains solid--ship 'em to Detroit or AZ and you can kiss the SB dreams goodbye.

They're cerebral first and foremost, and that doesn't fade like strength and quicks at age 33 or whatever. For you, Moss is youngish, but his motivation and whatever else drives him remains a bit of a mystery to me. Maroney, if he can remain on the field, is also young and better than we usually make him out to be on this site. Maybe your DL was so AMAZING to the coaches that they figured an aged/inexperienced back-7 would be fine.

Jeez, what the hell am I saying? Gotta have my head checked.

Forget everything I just said. Really. I mean it.