Friday, June 20, 2008

It's official: Jeremy Green is the dumbest man alive

The World Wide Leader has a couple of new articles out featuring the Colts. In the first, the Professor looks at the status of the Colts coming out of mini-camp. Nothing we don't already know, but he does mistakenly use the phrase "at the least" when he should say "at the most" regarding Harrison's situation in Philly.

In the second and more hilarious piece, Scouts Inc. looks at the AFC South. In it Jeremy Green insists that the addition of a man who caught all of 45 balls the past two seasons will elevate the Jags to the number one offense. Needless to say, no one else agrees with him. Three of the five man staff also think the Colts have the best defense in the South.

I've killed Jeremy Green in this space more times than I care to count, but this this may be the single most comedic thing he's said. The man knows nothing about football. His entire experience comes from working in one of the all time worst front offices in history (the Browns of the early 00s), and from his dad, deposed coach and Coors Light star Dennis Green. He apparently equates Porter leaving Oakland to Moss leaving Oakland. Uh, I think there were some differences too, but if those aren't painfully obvious to everyone with a brain, then me explaining them won't help.

Links:
The Blue Jays are half crazy, but I'm glad Cito Gaston got another job. The guy has a winning record as a manager, AND two World Series titles and never got a sniff a second job. Odd. The Jays GM was right to apologize to Dunn. He is a lumbering ox, but he plays hard. It's hard for a man that big to play the outfield, and Dunn does the best he can.

For the hearty few that have encouraged me to post more movie reviews, I saw the Incredible Hulk today. Essentially, it's light years better than the previous incarnation, mostly due to presence of Ed Norton. Ultimately, it falls victim to the same trap that most comic book movies do: some idiot assumes that after an hour and a half of fine acting and complex character development what we really want is to see two CGI monsters wail on each other for 15 minutes. Memo to screenwriters and studios: WE DON'T. IT'S BORING AS HELL. I also could have done with Jennifer Conley instead of Liv Tyler as the girl friend. In short, the move back to the Bill Bixby version the Hulk mostly pays off. The movie was marginally better than I expected despite a lackluster finsih (Ho ho! He says, "Hulk SMASH!" I never saw it coming!), and ranked somewhere between the uneven X-Men 3 and the excellent Iron Man. For me, the best part of the movie was watching the trailer for I Want to Believe again. Mostly, I'm sick of Marvel...bring on The Dark Knight.

17 comments:

Bob M. said...

Even before reading Jeremy Green (I'll get around to it when I need a laugh) I have to say Porter will likely have an improved year. That's not saying all that much. Plus Garrard will likely have a regression year. That does not add up to the best offense in the div. And saying 2nd best is not exactly an accolade since, aside from Andre Johnson, Hou and Ten are looking pretty hapless.

Position by position, unit by unit, and especially the most important positions (QB and OC) it really isn't close. What the hell is his problem? Is he trying to say something out there and controversial like a tabloid psychic so that when he's right 1 out of 50 times he can ride on his rep for keen analysis for another decade? Plus it gets people talking about him (like us) and many folks feel that publicity is never bad. Ugh.

Bob M. said...

Hey, the best line in the Clayton article was: " Charlie Johnson beat out Dylan Gandy for Scott's position, leading to Gandy's release." ... when in reality it might have read "Charlie Johnson beat out Dylan Gandy, leading to Gandy's plunge into unendurable depression/suicide/gender reassignment surgery/defection to Scotland..." Hey, at least CJ can beat somebody!

Bob M. said...

Sorry for triple posting, but Clayton only mentions two TEs behind Clark... what happened to Santi, the 6th rounder from VA?

I don't have problems with Clayton's phrasing and use of "least" since he follows that with "if his gun was involved." I understand it (admittedly, not that well) that same as Clayton explains: in PA if your gun is used, you are on the hook. So I assume the range of cuplability goes from misdemeanor (if, for example, it was stolen and you were unaware of that) to felony if you gave it to a friend and said "now go kill somebody."

That's IF there is an actual case. If there are no charges and no complaints and no one cooperates and it's a dead end, I assume it just goes away since big city cops have bigger fish to fry than finding out from an uncooperative ex-con who got shot in the hand how it happened.

Bob M. said...

And now I'll shut up.

Bob M. said...

I promise.

Bob M. said...

Really.

Deshawn Zombie said...

Ha. I still have a problem with the wording, because it may well be that Harrison's gun was involved but not in a criminal way. It seems that at this point the worst case scenario (barring some new jarring revelation), is a minor charge. Most likely (and also 'less' than what Clayton says) the gun was used, but in a non-criminal way, thus leading to no charges

Deshawn Zombie said...

Also, Porter may well improve. He could improve by 50% and still only be a 60 catch WR. And I'm oh-so-glad that Troy Williamson had a nice mini-camp. I think years of crap prodcution in the league outweighs a nice weekend without pads on.

Shake'n'bake said...

The stuff from Riccardi is just weird. He worked under Billy Beane, he was hired because he said he could compete with the Red Sox and Yankees on a budget because of his work with sabermetrics in Oakland. Why is he doing stuff now that goes entirely against that (Eckstein signing, cutting Frank Thomas, bashing Dunn)?

Deshawn Zombie said...

I know. The Dunn thing is insane becuase he is EXACTLY the kind of player that a moneyball guy should like. High OB%, great power, reasonable price. Dunn is going to be a big time player somewhere. I hope it's in Cincinnati, but whoever gets him will love his 40 HR and .400 OB%. Riccardi has sort of lost his mind. Dunn is, by all accounts, a very nice guy, good with the media, and generally very positive. There really isn't anything not to like.

jc said...

I'm Bill Jamesssssss bitch.

Shake'n'bake said...

I thought Fire Joe Morgan did the best on the Riccairdi comments.

There are reasons not to like Dunn, a butcher in the field and a big swing in home/away OPS were the two they cited.

Still one of those is something that was a fixture of the Beane Moneyball teams. They played some awful defense. It's another "selling jeans" type thing. Good defense is pretty and bad D is ugly and frustrating, but that's not as important as it was being treated as.

I'd be more than happy to have Dunn in left field for the Cubs. Only Aramis and Soto have higher VORP so far this year. He's even playing solid D so far. Stick Soriano in center when he gets back (he was actually above average in center when they tried it last year) so they can stop trying to squeeze average major league hitting from Reed Johnson and Jim Edmonds. That team would rake while playing ok defense.

jc said...

DZ:

Baseball just isn't important to him.

It is what it is.

zac said...

The Cardinals are going to Boston and owning the Red Sox. Loving it.

Bob M. said...

JC,
Your Dave Chapelle joke is making me cry I'm laughing so hard. Bra-freakin-vo!

Bob M. said...

Also, DZ, this is rhetorical more than anything, but how is any discharge of a gun in a densely populated city not criminal? I guess self defense is one way, but as discussed way back when, firing 7 times seems to cross the line from self defense to target practice unless the guy is Jackie Chan elusive and is threatening you with a knife. IIRC, only one casing/slug found was from another gun.
Okay, one more scenario: self defense with the world's quickest shot against the world's slowest.
And it's hard to justify accidental discharge (sounds naughty?) seven times.

Deshawn Zombie said...

If someone shoots at you, I'd think that you'd be pretty freaked out, and if you had a gun, you may well pull the trigger several times. Once you get shot at, all bets are off. You shoot until you hit someone.

This is why I'm not a gun person.